Summer is starting, so my roles are about to switch from writer/dad to dad/writer, as my kids come first. However, I don’t want to give up everything I’ve built and lose the momentum I’ve created this year. I will need to continue writing as a stay-at-home dad, somehow.
Once my kids wake up, they seem to need me at all times. It is hard enough for me to get any time for myself, much less to sit down and write. When I try, I get stopped every couple of minutes by random questions, a request in another room, or a kid climbing in my lap to look at my computer screen, ultimately trying to take over my device.
I’m going to need to figure out some ways to work while the kids are home and not let either part of my life suffer. To that end, I have some strategies to try to buy myself some time to focus. Here are a few of the ways I’m planning to write in the margins of life, how I will continue writing as a stay-at-home dad.
Work While They Sleep
Most writers who are also parents seem to get most of their work done while the kids are asleep. By the time my kids go to sleep, I’m usually exhausted from the day of entertaining the little gremlins.
I’ve taken to waking up early to get as much work done as possible.
Waking up while the kids are asleep allows me to have time to work, but also provides a little pressure because I never know how much time I’ll truly have. Kids have a tendency to wake up early when they know you need to get things done.
That pressure can light a fire under me to get as much done as I can before they start to wake up. Often, that urgency to get something done before they wake up can make me write even faster than a writing sprint.
So, find that moment when your children are sleeping, whether you’re a night owl or an early riser. If your kids still nap, you could even score a bonus writing session during the day.
Writing On The Go
Another way I try to stay productive is to write on the go.
I try to get my kids out of the house and take them to a park, friend’s house, or restaurant regularly. While the kids play, I try to keep an eye on them, but also seek opportunities to bust out a few words on my iPhone.
Through all of these moments, I’ve found that you have to be flexible. Like any writing done with kids around, you will be interrupted. Plus, at a place like a public park, you need to be aware of what your kids are doing. It is very rare that you can get into a true writing flow, but it is nice to sit down and get something done when you didn’t think it would be possible.
These modern devices have built-in features to let you capture some ideas and distribute them to all your devices in the ecosystem. You can write down ideas or draft anywhere without having a large device with you.
I like using Ulysses because I have my Kanban system where notes can get added, or I can find a project to continue writing. It can allow me to jot down an idea or pick up working on a draft with my favorite writing app, regardless of what device I’m using.
I’ve done a bit of writing at the park to help me achieve my daily writing goal while watching the kids play.
While some can do some heavy writing on their phones, I don’t find it optimal. But I don’t get to be picky when my time is limited. If I can get a few minutes in to edit, I’ll do my best to utilize that time.
Pro tip: You can move your cursor around with a long press on the iOS keyboard.
So, while you might not be used to writing on your iPhone, it can be a great tool for writers to use while out with the kids. If you find them focused on playing, you can set up and get a few words written out.
Dad at Work Training
One thing I’m trying to work on this summer is dedicated Daddy work time. I’ll set myself up on our kitchen bar with my MacBook Air or iPad. Then I’ll do some work and pray that I don’t get interrupted.
I try to explain to my kids that when I’m at the counter working on my devices, I need some space to focus and work. They will need to entertain themselves and only come talk to me when it’s an emergency.
This is going to take some training, as they don’t understand what an emergency is. When we’ve attempted this so far, I have been told that the bird in the backyard was an emergency because it might fly away or that one of the kids had a toy that the other wanted. Each time, I’ve answered the question or request, but I also try to explain to them that it’s not an emergency.
This one will take some work from everyone involved. My kids can’t seem to do much without me around, but I think it will help them eventually.
Eventually, I would like to move to my office to attempt this, but for now, I feel like I need to be where I can see or hear them.
If you are going to attempt this, you’ll need to set up some boundaries and hold everyone to them. You can’t slack off and watch YouTube instead of work, without them noticing. However, of all the techniques, I think this one has the highest future pay-off. It just might take a little more time to make it successful.
Screen time
I try not to allow them on screens too often. I don’t want them sitting there doing nothing, I want them to practice skills and have fun. However, this does get me into trouble sometimes because they don’t understand that I’m writing on my tablet or laptop to get work done, and not just playing on my tablet like they like to.
But occasionally, I need to get into the flow and not get disturbed at all. If I have a deadline coming up, and I still have a lot to do, I’ll give them a little screen time.
I have greatly reduced the amount of time they get on screens in the last year, so this one can be dangerous. Oftentimes, these screens can turn them into zombies, and ones that attack when the screen is taken away.
However, there are those times that I need to focus, and they won’t let me unless they are completely distracted. When that happens, I’ll let the kids play some Nintendo or watch some TV. I can get some work done, but I’m usually drafted in to help with Nintendo levels or helping the little one try to do something else like find a toy. But it is still much less than the normal interruptions I get.
While I can get so much work done during these moments, I try to use it sparingly. I would rather wake up early or train them not to bother me as much, than default to TV.
If you really need to get something done and don’t have a way to distract the kids, you can use screen time. Just be careful because those moments can lead to anger and outbursts once it’s time to put the devices away.
Summer Camps
Finally, we have the kids enrolled in a few summer camps/programs. While it won’t be the same as when they are at school, it will give me a few days a week to get some time to myself.
I like camps because they focus on having more fun than school. The kids can let loose and have supervised fun with friends, while I can be at home not worrying about them.
But these things are expensive, and it is difficult to find enough programs that will take a three-year-old. As they age, and we save a little money not having to pay for pre-schools, maybe these camps will be better later in life.
We are also going to work on taking the kids over to family members a few times to let them bond and give me time as well. The kids’ grandmother lives around the corner, and they don’t get as much time to see her as they used to.
But finding a place where your kids can go to learn and be with someone you trust can allow you time to write and focus. It might just cost a little time and effort to get them into those programs.
Writing as a Stay-at-Home Dad
Finding the time to write when the kids are dependent on you can be difficult for writers. As a parent, I feel like all my time is pulled away by these kids and I need some things to make me feel like a person, and writing is what makes me feel like myself.
I plan to implement these strategies and work on my writing, but I have to remember that I am a dad first. While I’m working to build this career for when I come out of being a stay-at-home dad, I don’t want to miss the opportunity to be there for my kids. I don’t want to lose the momentum and skills I’ve built up over this last school year. And while I want to be there for my kids this summer, I wish to continue to grow this thing for when they don’t need me as much.
These strategies will give me the best of both worlds. I can write in the margins of life, and still be there to interact with my kids.
If you’re trying to build a writing life around kids, browse my writing tips in the writing hub — there’s a lot there that might help. You can also subscribe to The JSwordSmith Update, my weekly newsletter filled with behind the scenes, life stories, tips, fiction, and more.
And, if you’re a parent trying to find time to write, I’d love to hear how you make it work — drop it in the comments.
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