Life is funny. I didn’t intend to end up where I currently am. I mean, I always figured I would end up married with kids, but I never thought I’d be a stay-at-home dad.

Right now, life is hard, but it sure is good.

As life twists and turns, I’m living the life I always thought I would, with a few surprises thrown in to keep me guessing. For some reason, a failing grade from a college paper has been floating through my head lately, and I wanted to write about it.

Freshmen Orientation

I wasn’t a freshman, but when I transferred to the University of Texas at Tyler, the school required all new students to take a Freshmen Orientation class. They wanted students to take the class to learn how to handle college life—and to make a little extra in tuition fees. They offered multiple options for the class, all with the topic of the professor’s choosing.

Having just taught myself how to play guitar over the previous couple of years and getting into music, I picked one about the history and joy of music.

Upon entering class on the first day, I soon realized that the class would not be that much centered on music but on exploring your self-identity, with a bit of music thrown in.

A squat man with a salt and pepper mullet—not in style then—greeted us with a smile. He then told us we needed to buy his book for the course. So the man wrote the book for the course and forced us to purchase it. Seemed sketchy. The book itself had nothing to do with music but focused on happiness.

Throughout the course, he would tell us about Native American culture since he claimed to be a descendant and how that culture connected with the self. He would lecture us on the ideology he picked up through his years. Sometimes, he would even talk about music.

Failing Grade

I will never forget my first failing grade in college came from him. He had assigned us a paper to write where we envisioned our future.

I wrote the paper as I saw fit. I wrote about how I wasn’t sure what my future had for it, but I planned to be a writer eventually. I would teach while I wrote my book (how little I knew about how much time I would not have to do that). I also wrote that family would be the one thing I knew I wanted.

When the papers got passed back to us, the big red “F” shocked me almost as much as the “come see me” message he had scrawled under the grade.

That’s Not Your Future

I had never had a mentor tell me they wanted to see me on a paper. I couldn’t figure out what I had done wrong and why he wanted to talk to me. I hadn’t made any triggering statements. I had kept things pretty tame and honest.

So I went to his office after class and asked him what happened.

“You didn’t dream big enough,” he told me.

I didn’t know what to say. I failed a paper about my future because I hadn’t thought big enough? It didn’t make sense to me.

He explained that he saw so much more in me. I’m not sure how; he didn’t know me, and his grading lowered my GPA. He told me that I kept it too safe. He said everyone wants a family, and I needed to think bigger.

In my head, I thought that this guy didn’t understand his own assignment. How could you fail someone on a a paper about their dreams? It reminded me of the John Lennon quote about happiness, which I found hilarious since this all came up over a music class.

I disagreed with him. I knew plenty of people that didn’t want kids. I also didn’t think that everyone needed to be a rock star. People should be able to dream as big or little as they wish.

I asked to redo the paper, and he allowed me.

So I wrote about being a rock star on stage with thousands of people yelling back at me. I dug into a vision of the future I didn’t want but was expected to have.

That paper got an A.

But I could never get past the fact that this man gave me a failing grade because my dream had been to have a steady job and a family.

My Family Is Everything

All these years later, I know that professor was wrong. My family is everything. As you can see, I would do anything for them when I became an accidental stay-at-home dad. I complain a lot, but there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for these people.

I might not have taken the same path to get here, but I know I’m in the right spot.

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