Life is strange. I always imagined being a dad. That’s just what happens to you when you get old, right? Okay, maybe not for everyone. I didn’t think about kids during my 20s and early 30s. But now, I’m an accidental stay-at-home dad.

How Did I Get Here

As I’ve chronicled, for the past 13 years, I taught High School English and coached Tennis. For many of those first years, I felt like this was what I was supposed to do. I helped many young people grow into adults. I taught them to compete. I helped many achieve things they didn’t think they would ever achieve.

Then I found my wife. Dating and seeing how her work treated her and rewarded her while I slaved away for so many more hours, I grew disillusioned with education. I tried to escape the system but ran back to the place I had known for so long after one failed attempt during the summer.

Then we had a kid.

While we were expecting my firstborn, I thought about what we would do about childcare. I envisioned becoming a blogger or writer to stay home and care for him. My wife makes more money than I do, so if one of us had to stay home, I figured it would be me.

I feared how we would do it all with one salary. Luckily, my mother-in-law offered to watch my son during the day, and I kept my job.

But my hours didn’t change.

On top of teaching, coaching kept me away from my son more than I wanted. On a typical day, I would leave an hour before he woke up and get home an hour or so before bedtime. On competition days, I wouldn’t see him unless I stepped away from my team to take a FaceTime call or he came to a competition to see me. During those moments, I felt split. I would neglect my son or my team — kids like my adopted children.

So when we found out we were pregnant again, I knew I had to make a change. I couldn’t continue to miss out on my kids. I went to my Principal to discuss getting out of coaching but staying on to teach. I was told to find a new job.

I wouldn’t do anything at this school if I weren’t the tennis coach. It boggles my mind because I did everything possible to be a good classroom teacher.

But my boss sealed my fate. I knew I wouldn’t go back to the classroom. I wouldn’t beg someone else to give me a teaching job if my heart wasn’t in it anymore.

So, I returned to my idea of working from home as a writer. I could help my mother-in-law out and get work done. I applied for writing gigs and landed a couple before baby two arrived. I continued to write posts here for practice. But I would start in full after a couple of months of leave to be with the new baby and family.

A few weeks after baby two came, my mother-in-law told us she was going on a two-month vacation in August — the same month I planned to start all my new writing gigs. While I felt grateful that I could be home to watch the kids during this time, I began to freak out about watching the boys and starting a new career at the same time.

Little did I know that even if she were here, I wouldn’t be able to start my writing career. However, I would start my new role as a stay-at-home dad.

A Couple of Things I’ve Learned In My Short Time as a Stay-At-Home Dad

Working from home with kids is on the other side of impossible.

As much as I thought I could work in my office while my kids played in the playroom, that doesn’t happen. Whenever I go to the office to work, I get two minutes max before someone comes in to see what I’m doing. Then playtime starts in the office. My focus breaks from work and turns to the boys as they explore everything breakable in the room.

I’ve actually been more productive on my phone when we’re watching cartoons or taking a break than when I plan to go to the office. Of course, it makes me feel guilty that I’m on my phone, but at least things are getting done.

Even though I don’t have a job to go to physically, I’ve continued waking up early —earlier, actually. I use this time to do a 20-minute workout, read for 10 minutes, and then write. It has caused me to be hyper-focused on what I’m doing because I know someone will wake up soon.

This early time does allow me to recharge my battery. Getting Me time is hard unless I wake up like this.

Finally, it does take a village. As much as I take on myself, I know that I need help. I also need to allow time for Mom to bond with the kids when she’s home from work.

The Pressures of Being A Stay-At-Home Dad

Right now, I’m struggling with one huge thing. As someone who has had a salary for years, it pains me that I’m not bringing in money.

Something inside me is hurt that I’m not bringing in much money to help the family. I don’t want to mooch off my wife; I want to help provide. But that thinking is flawed.

I’m providing a service. If I weren’t staying home right now, we’d be paying so much childcare and probably medical bills from all the daycare viruses that my salary would likely be canceled anyway.

Plus, being a caregiver is a full-time job. I am exhausted every day. This job is mentally strenuous as the kids need you so much during the day.

Also, as I mentioned, there is a fine balance between working and enjoying family time. I don’t want to be home to work but also be there for my kids.

Let’s See Where This Ride Takes Us

In my last few months as a high school teacher and coach, many parents told me I wouldn’t regret being home with my kids. I never once thought I would regret it, and I haven’t. But I never thought I would face the struggles I’ve encountered so far.

I’m happy to be home with my boys, but I wish I had more time for myself sometimes.

Stay along for the ride! I’m planning on writing more about my stay-at-home parent adventures. You can also follow me on the socials. I’m most active on Threads right now. And if you’d like to help out the site, a donation goes a long way.

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