That hollow feeling overtook me as I realized that I had checked my phone yet again. Sure, there had been in a little lull in play time with my kids, but I still hated the addiction I felt to my screen. I knew I had to be better and protect my focus time from this invader.
As much as I love technology, I know it’s too addictive for its own good. I didn’t want to be a dad who appeared to be there but had to check his phone or computer during every lull.
Plus, since I’m trying to keep my kids off screens, how much of a hypocrite would I be getting on mine all the time?
So, I set out to find ways to reclaim my focus.
Here are four things you can do to protect your focus time, whether that’s for spending time with kids, focusing on work, or trying to break the hold screens have on all our lives.
Limit Notifications
I feel like I have a good grasp on my focus until a notification pulls my attention to the phone. That’s the job of a notification. While you might think you need all the notifications so that you don’t miss anything, I promise you that you don’t.
I knew that I needed to tame my notifications if I was going to protect my focus. I went into the notification settings on my iPhone and turned off every app that I didn’t need a notification from.
You don’t need to know that someone responded to one of your Threads posts. It will be there when you aren’t protecting this precious time. While it is exciting to know your item has shipped, that information doesn’t allow you to do anything but check your phone.
As much as I enjoy my Apple Watch, it wasn’t any better than my iPhone. I dove into my Apple Watch settings and turned off any notifications that I didn’t need to act on immediately, like texts or directions.
I also refined some of my Focus Modes. Here, I can enter a Focus and only see the notifications I’ve set for that mode. When I go to play with my kids, I just have to remember to enter the right focus mode so that I can still get messages from my wife but no one else, and then we go to play.
Set Screen Time Limits
Limiting my notifications would help, but it wasn’t enough. The pull of my screen would have me reaching for it whenever there was a moment without something going on. I needed something that could help me defeat this addiction even more.
I headed into the settings of my iPhone and turned on Screen Time and time limits.
Likewise, I used Screen Time with my kids to help them manage their screen time, and I figured I could use that to help me as well.
First, I used Screen Time to see where I was spending my time when I got onto my iPhone, iPad, and Mac. There I could see just how long I spent on my apps and app categories throughout the day or week.
I ended up adding some time limits to my social media apps, as I spent far too much time there. Once you cross that time limit in those apps or app categories, you won’t be able to open them unless you put in a passcode. The app will also get greyed out so they aren’t as tempting to open.
Too often, I’d be playing with my kids, but I’d feel the pull to doom scroll to see what I was missing in the world.
Instituting time limits helped me calculate if checking at that moment would be worth adding to my limited time.
This helped return my attention to my tasks throughout the day. I started to weigh if it was worth getting on social media at all (spoiler: it’s mostly not worth it). However, it’s too easy to get around it as the owner of the device. If I wanted more time, I could just put in a code and get more time for the entire day.
I needed something more to help me tame my time.
Leave Your Phone Behind
Making these changes helped, but I noticed that if there was a lull in playtime, I would still reach for my phone to check something, anything.
It disgusts me how much of a slave I feel to my devices. I keep my kids off their devices so that they don’t become zombies attached to a screen, yet here I was unable to go minutes without mine. I hated that the draw from my phone took my focus away from the kids, even if it was just for a few seconds.
To remedy that, I would have to separate myself from my device. I would set my phone on a counter in a different room. Now, if I wanted to get on my phone, I would have to leave the room to get it. There would be no more scrolling when it wasn’t my turn.
I felt freed from my phone.
Now, when it wasn’t my turn, I couldn’t just grab my phone and waste time. I paid more attention than ever. If I wanted to get on my phone, I would have to physically get up and leave my children behind. If something important came through, I’d still have my Apple Watch to alert me.
Nuclear Option: Unplug The Wi-Fi
But the pull of my phone can still be strong, even with it in another room. It is more difficult to get to it now, but not impossible.
When the pull is still strong, I can employ the nuclear option: turn off the internet.
In one way, I’m lucky because I don’t get good cellphone coverage in my house. So, when I cut the Wi-Fi, it becomes very difficult to do anything on my device. Without the internet, my phone can’t do all the things that it draws me to. Even if I wanted to get my phone during this time, the signal isn’t strong enough to give me the instant gratification it normally can. The wait for pages to load makes me not want to use it at all.
If I’m trying to be present with my family, this is the ultimate move to get everyone off their screens.
This works for work as well. Of course, this option won’t work for everything. If your work requires an internet app or something, you’ll be out of luck.
But I can still read a book or write something. I’d argue that this works even better when you need to write. I can write a new story and not get interrupted by anything but the words.
Protect Your Focus Time And Boost Your Results
I’m not a perfect dad, but I’m aware enough to know that I need to be present and not drawn to my phone. Since I’ve started to implement these strategies, I have noticed a difference.
My kids and I have bonded more, and I haven’t felt the draw of my phone as much. It has become a relief to leave my phone behind for a while. It’s also helpful that these strategies have helped my writing focus as well. Now, when I’m working, I’m not as tempted to look away to check something.
Make sure to swing by my Parenting & Life Hub to see more of my stories and tips of parenting as a stay-at-home dad.
Let me know in the comments which strategies you’ve used to reclaim your attention.
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